Today is a scheduled surgery for a large, aggravated ventral epigastric hernia.
Damaged myself years ago when I was working my way out of one problem or another. Hernias don’t get better without surgical correction, and can become quite dangerous. Recent significant weight loss and years more hard work has caused further damage. Recently it has been causing some serious pain.
It does bring up…insecurities. This has suddenly been really cramping my style…and what happens to my world…what do I do…when I can’t work hard?
Hard work is the only reason I’ve made it as far as I have. More often than not, I have no other asset to bear.
I’m the one that fixes everything…how do I let it all go…let it fall if it must…and just take care of myself?
It seems selfish.
It seems a failure.
I’m the protector…the fighter…the builder…a rider.
A rider’s world demands I hold my very life in my hands at any moment. A rider lives or dies on his/her preparation, skill, perception, and a little bit of luck…daily. It’s foreign to turn my well being…my life…my ability to accomplish…over to another…even for a day. The doctors…do they even guess what it is we risk? What we are trusting them with? I guess it worries me more than I care to admit.
Stand down…just for a little while. I’ve got you…
Narration: ...but a lot can kill you.
Narration: Surgery today.
Narration: I'll see you on the other side.